Top 5 Reasons the Pacers Don’t Need Lebron

Uncle Gus returns to explain why the Indiana Pacers are just fine without LeBron James.

I do think a couple NBA Finals Runners-Up banners would look amazing strung up in Bankers Life Arena. That said, we don’t need LeBron James on the Pacers and here’s why.

1. Sheesh

LeBron has coined a new catch phrase and it’s nothing more than an expletive. Back in my day children used respectable and appropriate language. Today their mouths are foul, and bringing another obscenity into the mainstream is only going to benefit the soap companies, not the youth of our community.

2. Wine addiction

LeBron has taken to boastfully sharing his wine-binging for all to see. I don’t need to be explaining to young Colton why LeBron is drinking the devil’s grape juice nightly and he cannot. Also, why in tarnation does he think the hard-working folks of our community want it thrown in their faces that he imbibes on multiple $800 bottles of vino each night?

3. Too Disrespectful

My heavens, Mr. James disrespects seemingly everyone in his life. He disrespected his wife and children when he liked a “perfect booties” photograph. What the heck is that? He disrespects all of his coaches by taking over the huddle and drawing his own plays. He disrespects the officials by angrily questioning their calls. Doesn’t he know he’d catch more flies with honey than with his constant vinegar?

4. Free Throws

We all know games are won and lost at the free throw line. LeBron has shot under 74% from the charity stripe for his career and that just doesn’t cut the mustard. Give me a guy I can rely on with the game on the line like Rick Mount or Reggie Miller.

5. Stolen Valor

Naming his very popular shoes “soldier” is questionable at the very least. LeBron is a professional pumpkin pusher and referring to himself as a soldier disrespects the memories of our veterans. As if that weren’t enough, LeBron declares his pseudo-break from social media as Zero Dark Thirty-23. Aside from that name being hogwash, it’s another reference to himself as a soldier. Poor taste.

Bonus Reason

LeBron went viral recently celebrating his son clanking a dunk attempt in a game instead of laying it in for two points. Encouraging this me-first attitude is a terrible example for the kids once again. Sheesh.

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