The only thing missing from Stormy Daniels first performance post-arrest in Columbus, Ohio was AC/DC slaying Thunderstruck into our brains all night. And that is the last storm-related pun I will make. Her introduction was an under-produced, over-hyped list of accomplishments headlined by Stormy’s resident #1 ranking on PornHub.
She came out hard, sprinting from the curtain all the way to the front of the stage, as Lenny Kravitz’s “American Woman” blasted from the speakers. Her outfit can best be described as a bejewelled and bedazzled Captain America costume, complete with not one shield, but two. Her energy was only outdone by the buzz in the crowd just waiting to see if she would, in fact, touch someone. She did not. While Vanity Gentlemen’s Club is not the finest of establishments, there are a few (but far between) attractive women. Stormy trumped the competition. A woman of her age has seen a few golden showers and she brought the rain for a solid 11 and a half minutes Wednesday night.
Her second song brought out the candlelights and fur blankets. Lying in the middle of the stage, Stormy swung her legs and touched her body to Poison’s “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn.” In this case it was the two bald-headed twins Billy and Bobby that were hogging all the prime real estate next to the stage and blocking my view of the “I’m most-assuredly trying to make myself orgasm” performance going on center stage.
As she transitioned into the third and final act, the girls were out to play and she was working the edge of the stage. There were several moments when I thought one of the many plaid-clad patrons were going to reach out and take a grab at one of Stormy’s hurricanes, but the moments passed as she swooned to Tom Petty’s (RIP) “American Girl” and no one had the stones to make a pass. One of my favorite Tom Petty jams is forever soiled in my memory by an image of Stormy Daniels in a seedy Ohio-club, rather than those Friday nights under the lights, winning high school football games and jamming to Tom Petty with my teammates and best friends afterward. Oh well.
Stormy played heavily on the “America” theme throughout the night, mentioning her alleged affair with the president and her #1 ranking on PornHub numerous times. The crowd ate it up. Many Stormy supporters donned the #TeamStormy merch that was being peddled before and after the performance (complete with a meet and greet). There was a definite “girl power” presence in the club, with many female supporters and Trump-haters cheering and raining dollar bills all over the stage. A Team Stormy rep even stopped by each table after the performance to make sure people were registered to vote, and encouraged everyone vote against our current president come 2020. And while Stormy is rather top-heavy and lacks anything that resembles a butt, that is something I can get behind.
Her nationwide tour to cash in on her steamy sexual escapades with the president seemed to be rather lucrative for the Porn Princess. A modest $25 cover charge, $10 drinks, and special 2 for 1 lap dances all night from the Vanity B-Team turned into a pretty entertaining evening overall. And judging by the stage being re-carpeted in 1’s, 5’s, 10’s and 20’s, Stormy’s payoff from the president is just trump change.